Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Future Crossdresser Here

When I was very young, I wanted to be a girl.  At least I thought I wanted to be a girl.

I know I wanted to wear girl's clothes.  And I was always a very logical kid.  So it was simple:

1. I wanted to wear dresses and have long hair and wear pretty shoes.
2. Only girls wear dresses and have long hair and wear pretty shoes.
3. Therefore, I must want to be a girl.

The idea that a boy would want to wear girls' clothes was, well, nuts.  When I was old enough to think about it, I thought that someday I might see a psychiatrist (I don't know where I learned about them ~ maybe Peanuts) and I would never be able to tell him I wanted to wear girls' clothes because that would be so weird he'd probably want to put me away.

I remember little about my childhood, which to a therapist would be a red flag.  It would indicate some serious childhood trauma.  Maybe it does.  I don't remember.

One snippet I do remember was going to the barber with my father (I didn't do a lot of things with my father) and when the barber was done, I innocently asked, "isn't the hair in the front supposed to be straight?"  Both my father and the barber laughed and one of them (I don't remember which) said "bangs are for girls.  Do you want to look like a girl?"  I remember being very embarrassed (although I don't think that qualifies as trauma).

And at some point, I probably wondered why I don't get to wear a top to my bathing suit, like my sister does.

No doubt. He's one of us.

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